You Get What You Believe

What is it you’ve been trying to create in your life?  A loving relationship?  A thinner, healthier body?  A new job or career?  Your own business?  More income?  Or do you simply want to perform at a higher level in all areas of your life?

Have you been working hard, perhaps even struggling, to achieve these things, but it seems you should be getting better results for all of the effort you put forth?

Take a look at your beliefs.  You can be taking massive action, but if your beliefs are not compatible with your goals, you will find ways to hold the things you desire away from you.

One common belief that holds people back is “I don’t deserve to have what I want.”  I have actually heard clients admit they believe they need to be more successful in their careers before they can find love.  Translate to “I have to reach a certain level of success in my career and then I will deserve love.”

In her book, Write It Down, Make It Happen, Henriette Anne Klauser tells about a woman who has been searching for love for years and actually writing letters to her future mate.  The woman discovers, through her writing, that she has been observing the problems her friends were having in their relationships and believes that the same problems will befall her if she finds love.

Another belief that holds many back is “I can’t (insert whatever).”  “I can’t perform at the level I desire.  I can’t have the income I want.  I can’t get my home, office, and finances in order.  ADD will always hold me back.”

These kinds of beliefs are not facts the way gravity is a fact.  They are things you have been saying to yourself for so long that they have taken on the appearance of truth, but they can be changed, and your life will change when you change your beliefs.

First, become aware of your beliefs by listening closely to the things you are saying to yourself inside your head.  If you’re putting yourself down a lot, there’s a good chance you believe you are undeserving.  Change that thought to “I deserve to have all of the good things life has to offer.”  Repeat it enough times with conviction and it will become your truth.  You have just taken the first, and possibly the most difficult, step on the path to achieving what you want.

 

Don’t Beat Yourself Up!

I have been coaching adults with ADD for over twelve years.  One thing that surprises me again and again is how many of them are perfectionists and how hard they are on themselves when they experience a “perceived” failure.

Let’s say that a person with ADD puts ten things on an “action” list for the day.  At the end of the day, they have completed seven of the items on the list.  Most people, including me, would simply conclude that 7/10ths of the items have been completed and add the uncompleted items to tomorrow’s list.  However, many ADDers would proclaim that they “failed”  to accomplish the goal they set at the beginning of the day because three of the ten items were not completed.

These folks have fallen into what I call “all or nothing” thinking.  Either they achieve goals at 100%  and regard themselves as successful, or they don’t and regard themselves as having failed.  For them, there is no such thing as partial success.

If “beating themselves up” resulted in success, a reasonable person might conclude that “beating oneself up” is a useful strategy for getting things done.  However, when I ask clients if “beating themselves up” helps them to get more things done, nearly 100% say it does not help; in fact it tends to result in them getting fewer things done.  I say, “Would working for a tyrant make you more productive?”    Most of them say it wouldn’t.  Then I point out to them that they have become the tyrant they are working for.

They turn things around when they are able to recognize and celebrate each and every thing they accomplish, however small it might be.  When they begin to do this, they feel better and begin to pile small accomplishments upon small accomplishments to achieve some pretty amazing results.

If you’d like to comment on this blog or share it, click on the title to go to the page where this is possible.  Fill your next week, and the weeks after it, with small accomplishments.  If you’re going in the right direction, the results will surprise you.